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Hey everyone... As some of you may know already... I have decided to seek counceling ... Stackers' Lounge forum

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    Natasha's Avatar
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    Ultimatum...

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    Hey everyone...

    As some of you may know already... I have decided to seek counceling with my husband. This morning he called me because he had 'stumbled' across a facebook message of mine from a pinstack buddy. This sparked an argument over the fact that i shouldnt be talking to people I dont really know on my bb and how he cant trust me because he doesnt know what people who dont know each other can talk about... As for how he was able to log into my facebook account and read my messages is a mystery to me... he says I left the page open... whatever that pissed me off.

    Long story short... he told me if we wanted this to work I had to get rid of my bb... he said its my bb or him...

    What do I do? I don't want to give up my bb because I am doing nothing wrong...



    Speaking of BBM... Im having problems with it.. I seem to have 2 contacts that are not visable that I cant seem to delete... it says 0/2 contacts at the top... and sometimes I send messages to the wrong contact because the display name is wrong.. very weird. So I deleted my contacts until I figure it out. So if I deleted you... sorry... resend my your pin and I will add you back on when I figure out the problem. If anyone can help me with this problem that would be awesome.

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    Re: Ultimatum...

    I'm sorry, but if he's making you choose between him and a phone he's got some issues of his own to work out. It's an online forum, people talk. Tell you what, get him a BB and see how he likes it . But really, I've never understood people who's thought process leads to making you have to give something up. If he cant trust you because you have an amazing phone with an extremely amazing community...He's got some trust issues...
    Cingular is now the new at&t

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    Re: Ultimatum...

    Leave him...he is extremely insecure and immature. he needs a hobby. the only thing I see wrong with your BBM is that I aint on it...G Ballew Im about to request you on BBM as well.

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    Re: Ultimatum...

    Sounds like he is making the first move to get you back, but I don't believe that this is about trust; it sounds more like his attempt to get you to give up some control. The only real power he has over you is the power you give him -- if you refuse to play his game, he can either admit that his intenton was to control you, or give in and accept that he has to treat you as an equal. If he is serious about reconciling then he will back down. Either way, you win.

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    Re: Ultimatum...

    First of all from the info I know (which isn't much) he's in NO position to be the one making ultimatums. He is lucky that you're giving him another chance to make this work instead of just leaving his a*ss in the dust. You should make that known to him, that this is your choice to try and make things work and the ball is NOT in his court to be making these kinds of ultimatums from you.

    He cannot control what kind of phone you have, I'm sorry that's just childish. My husband and I both have BB's, we both chat with people on Yahoo/AIM and I have no issue with that because we've discussed our boundries and we both agree not to violate them. It is about trust and if he doesn't trust you, why is he with you? Unless you've done something to cause him to not trust you, then he has no ground to stand on. It sounds like he needs to address his own insecurities instead of trying to make them your problem.

    As far as the facebook comment, I don't know what it was the guy said to you, but I think your husband is in a bad place right now because you left him and he's feeling extremely insecure and the result is what he's doing right now which is picking at everything you're doing that could be construed as wrong. Take a stand and hold your ground girl. Unless you're having phone sex on your BB or cyber sex on bbm there's no reason you as an adult can't have a BB.

    I'd say you need to set some boundries and take some control over this situation. Reiterate that you left for a reason and until those issues have been addressed and you feel as though he's really putting forth an effort, he has no right to ask a thing of you...other than to remain faithful until you've filed for divorce (in my opinion).

    Pin me if you want to chat, good luck!!
    Last edited by TanBucsFan; 08-06-2007 at 04:49 PM.

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    Re: Ultimatum...

    Quote Originally Posted by Dafodyll

    I think he would even turn off our cable in order to keep my data plan...



    My very uneducated two cents.
    He must be a great man then

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    Re: Ultimatum...

    I agree with what TBF said...That's kinda what I was trying to get accross, but my simple man-brain couldn't put it in so many words .
    Cingular is now the new at&t

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    Re: Ultimatum...

    That's a drag. We (men) can be so childish at times. I hope you can work it out.

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    Re: Ultimatum...

    Quote Originally Posted by tashacash
    Speaking of BBM... Im having problems with it.. I seem to have 2 contacts that are not visable that I cant seem to delete... it says 0/2 contacts at the top... and sometimes I send messages to the wrong contact because the display name is wrong.. very weird. So I deleted my contacts until I figure it out. So if I deleted you... sorry... resend my your pin and I will add you back on when I figure out the problem. If anyone can help me with this problem that would be awesome.
    Had the same problem as you are having, I un-installed my BBM and re-installed again, thanks to Lavagirl

    As far as your ultimatum from your hubby, i think your hubby is just insecure and he needs help
    --------------------------------------------------------
    - j a n e l l
    Theirs more to life than cell phones...Theirs BLACKBERRY's

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    Re: Ultimatum...

    Tasha I am sorry to hear your are having problems in the relationship dept as well. I'm beginning to think love stinks...I dunno. Are you sure you left your facebook thing open? Did he hack in or does he know your password and is snooping? The question on whether its him or your BB is dumb on so many levels. Thats like you saying to him, Its me or your (insert whatever you feel like here ie...video game system, beer, couch, car, and other material things that have no reason of being in that predicament)
    I don't know, I hope things work out of you.
    BlackBerry® Certified Support Specialist

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    Re: Ultimatum...

    Im on the other side of the. Admittedly, I was insecure about an ex of mine because she would always interact with a number of people, some she knew, some she didnt. When I say insecure, I mean, I didnt completely trust her/people she was dealing with because of the nature of the relationships. This is a natural human and animal instinct.

    Just because he is insecure doesnt mean he is immature. As with me, it could simply mean he cares, loves, and adores you dearly and would hate to lose you at the hands of another. JUST LIKE WE ALL FEEL ABOUT OUR BLACKBERRIES!

    Just to be clear though, the ultimatum is disheartening. That may be the only "childish" concern of his. His approach is just a little off. Try to work things out and make sure that you two avoid giving each other reasons to raise eyebrows. Good luck.

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    Re: Ultimatum...

    ~via BB (wap.pinstack.com)~to be quite honest and only knowing what you have said he needs to go. It is obviously an attempt to control and exert power over you. If I were working I would advise the female the first indicator of domestic violence is an attempt to control. Next to alienate you from friends and others. It all escalates from there sometimes very quickly sometimes years but if the indicators are there separate yourself. Tasha I have seen the worst in people for years now and am just giving my opinion but, when I have been at houses over agruments I always know when I will be back.

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    Re: Ultimatum...

    Quote Originally Posted by jgirly2
    Had the same problem as you are having, I un-installed my BBM and re-installed again, thanks to Lavagirl

    As far as your ultimatum from your hubby, i think your hubby is just insecure and he needs help

    thanks jgirly2 and lavagirl... that solved my problem...

    please send me your pins ladies... i lost all my contacts in the process

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    Re: Ultimatum...

    ~via BB (wap.pinstack.com)~Tasha keep your head up

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    Re: Ultimatum...

    My gut feeling is that he is pretty insecure to begin with. Giving you an ultimatum to get rid of a phone is just a way of trying to exert control over you, like others have said. If you give in to that, he'll feel he has gained some control. That is the beginning of a very slippery slope, like Pdub said. The fact that he went through your facebook account is pretty bad, too.

    If you are together for the right reasons, and want to be together, he will not have any issues with what you choose to do with your free time.

    Or if you really want the mindblower, it could be something else. The guilty dog usually barks loudest. If he's paranoid about who you are talking to on your computer and with your phone, could be because there are a couple of skeletons in his closet.
    Last edited by LaTuFu; 08-07-2007 at 01:16 AM.
    If I knew where I was going, I might already be there. -- Cross Canadian Ragweed.

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