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Sometimes I wish my life could be as neat and tidy as a Prime Time ... Stackers' Lounge forum

  1. #1
    LaTuFu's Avatar
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    My life as a TV Crime Drama

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    Sometimes I wish my life could be as neat and tidy as a Prime Time Crime Drama on TV. You know, every week, the team gets confronted with some enormous problem to overcome in order to solve a truly heinous or bizarre crime. And no matter what, they always get their man. (or lesbian, hey these are progressive times on TV nowadays).

    If my life were like that, here's how it would go:

    In the morning (Beginning of the show. When the DB is found, and the plot is laid out)

    I wake up and roll out of bed. The hangover is killing me. My boss calls, a client is calling fired up because its Tuesday, and they don't like Tuesdays. Somehow thats my fault. He wants me to check and see if I can put my client on an Arabic calendar to avoid the apparent conflicts my client has with our Gregorian standard calendar.

    Lunchtime (Midshow, the plot is developed. All obstacles are clearly laid out for all to see)

    The Arabic calendar is not an option for this client. However, if they will voluntarily provide the DNA sample, I won't have to get a warrant and force them to give me the DNA sample. A romantic interest with a sales assistant could possibly compromise the chain of custody for the DNA, which could get the calendar thrown out on appeal. The geeky intern in the computer lab was able to produce a 4 layer overlay, complete with audio, video, and graphic rendering, on government procured computer programs and an entry level civil service salary. Yet somehow this overlay is able to prove that not only is the client not entitled to the Arabic calendar, but he shares DNA with O.J. Simpson.

    5:00 Quitting time. (End of show. We get our man)
    Grissom walks in my office, cocks his head sideways, and makes some pithy one line remark. Along the lines of: Me: "My client wants the Arabic Calendar". Grissom: "Its about time" (Okay, yeah, some of you will need to let that one sink in)

    Confronted with the O.J. Simpson DNA revelation, my client's attorney angrily disputes our findings, and cites a lack of additional evidence for preventing my client's access to the Arabian calendar. Grissom cooly walks over, stares at my client for a moment, and proceeds to show him restaurant receipts from the Shoney's on Long Island from 1973. A clear pattern of Tuesday night Blue Plate specials. "People Lie, the evidence never does"

    The client is led away charged with an extra fee for wasting my time. Grissom finds my winning lottery ticket. I get home and find a Newcastle Truck broken down on the street in front of my house. Driven by Gisele Bundschen. She just backed over Tom Terrific. Shes despondent and wants me to console her over a 12 pack and a couple of roofies. My ex wife got a frontal lobotomy.

    Yep. Thats my life if it were a crime show.
    If I knew where I was going, I might already be there. -- Cross Canadian Ragweed.

  2. #2
    TanBucsFan's Avatar
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    Re: My life as a TV Crime Drama

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    Lmao!! Wow that's quite a story LTF.

  3. #3
    LaTuFu's Avatar
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    Re: My life as a TV Crime Drama

    I probably should just post in the drunk thread
    If I knew where I was going, I might already be there. -- Cross Canadian Ragweed.

  4. #4
    Natasha's Avatar
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    Re: My life as a TV Crime Drama

    LOL...LTF... you should have been a writer.

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