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(to be clear Cooley, the "client" is not me)The following is the contents of a ... Stackers' Lounge forum

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    (to be clear Cooley, the "client" is not me)The following is the contents of a conversation between aclient and arepresentative of Word Perfect support desk .This is a genuine text , from a record of a telephonysystem.The client support employee has been fired , and theclient isnow prosecuting the company for insulting and notproviding supportaccording to the contract between them :" WordPerfect Technical Desk, may I help you?"" Yes, well, I ' m having trouble with WordPerfect ."" What sort of trouble?"" Well , I was typing along, and all of a sudden the wordswent away . "" Went away ?"" They disappeared ."" Hmm. So what does your screen look like now ?"" Nothing."" Nothing."" It ' s blank; it won ' t accept anything that I type."" Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out ?"" How do I tell?"" Can you see the C : prompt on the screen ?"" What' s a sea -prompt?"" Never mind . Can you move the cursor around on thescreen ?"" There isn ' t any cursor. I told you, it won ' t acceptanything I type !"" Does your monitor have a power indicator?"" What' s a monitor ?"" It ' s the thing with the screen on it that looks like aTV. Does it have alittle light that tells you when it ' s on?"" I don ' t know ."" Well , then look on the back of the monitor and findwhere the power cordgoes into it . Can you see that ?"" Yes, I think so . "" Great. Follow the cord to the plug , and tell me if it ' splugged into thewall. "" ... .. .Yes, it is . "" When you were behind the monitor , did you notice thatthere were two cablesplugged into the back of it not just one?"" No. "" Well , there are . I need you to look back there againand find the othercable ."" ... .. .Okay , here it is ."Follow it for me, and tell me if it ' s plugged securely intothe back of thecomputer. "" I can' t reach ."" Uh-huh . Well , can you see if it is ?"" No. "" Even if you put your knee on something and lean wayover?"" Oh, it ' s not because I don ' t have the right angle. It ' sbecause it' s dark . "" Dark?"" Yes, the office light is off , and the only light I have iscoming in fromthe window ."" Well , turn on the office light then . "" I can' t ."" Why not ?"" Because there ' s a power outage . "" A power outage ? Aha , Okay , we ' ve got it licked now .Do you still have theboxes and manuals and packing stuff your computercame it ?"" Well , yes . I keep them in the closet ."" Good. Go get them , and unplug your system and packit up just like it waswhen you got it . Then take it back to the store youbought it from. "" Really? Is it that bad ?"" Yes, I' m afraid it is . "" Well , all right then . What do I tell them ?"" Tell them you' re too damn stupid to own a computer".

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    Sorry about the last post. My browser is not working properly when copying and pasting and I've tried to edit it but my browser is so faulty it makes it a nightmare with the un responsive scrolling and jumping cursor that types in places that its not in...Gee I need a new/reliable phone, my patience is being tested and failing miserably.

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    THE PAIN AND ANGUISH OF USING THIS BOMBING, BATTERY EATING PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A ROCK!!!...I grow weaker and weaker...

    help me...

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    Quote Originally Posted by KTW View Post
    (to be clear Cooley, the "client" is not me)The following is the contents of a conversation between aclient and arepresentative of Word Perfect support desk .This is a genuine text , from a record of a telephonysystem.The client support employee has been fired , and theclient isnow prosecuting the company for insulting and notproviding supportaccording to the contract between them :" WordPerfect Technical Desk, may I help you?"" Yes, well, I ' m having trouble with WordPerfect ."" What sort of trouble?"" Well , I was typing along, and all of a sudden the wordswent away . "" Went away ?"" They disappeared ."" Hmm. So what does your screen look like now ?"" Nothing."" Nothing."" It ' s blank; it won ' t accept anything that I type."" Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out ?"" How do I tell?"" Can you see the C : prompt on the screen ?"" What' s a sea -prompt?"" Never mind . Can you move the cursor around on thescreen ?"" There isn ' t any cursor. I told you, it won ' t acceptanything I type !"" Does your monitor have a power indicator?"" What' s a monitor ?"" It ' s the thing with the screen on it that looks like aTV. Does it have alittle light that tells you when it ' s on?"" I don ' t know ."" Well , then look on the back of the monitor and findwhere the power cordgoes into it . Can you see that ?"" Yes, I think so . "" Great. Follow the cord to the plug , and tell me if it ' splugged into thewall. "" ... .. .Yes, it is . "" When you were behind the monitor , did you notice thatthere were two cablesplugged into the back of it not just one?"" No. "" Well , there are . I need you to look back there againand find the othercable ."" ... .. .Okay , here it is ."Follow it for me, and tell me if it ' s plugged securely intothe back of thecomputer. "" I can' t reach ."" Uh-huh . Well , can you see if it is ?"" No. "" Even if you put your knee on something and lean wayover?"" Oh, it ' s not because I don ' t have the right angle. It ' sbecause it' s dark . "" Dark?"" Yes, the office light is off , and the only light I have iscoming in fromthe window ."" Well , turn on the office light then . "" I can' t ."" Why not ?"" Because there ' s a power outage . "" A power outage ? Aha , Okay , we ' ve got it licked now .Do you still have theboxes and manuals and packing stuff your computercame it ?"" Well , yes . I keep them in the closet ."" Good. Go get them , and unplug your system and packit up just like it waswhen you got it . Then take it back to the store youbought it from. "" Really? Is it that bad ?"" Yes, I' m afraid it is . "" Well , all right then . What do I tell them ?"" Tell them you' re too damn stupid to own a computer".

    I've heard this one told many different ways with many different companies software.

    However years and years ago I worked as a specialist for Office Depot. While each computer I sold had its own tech support inner customers almost always called me when they hit a snag. Sometimes I didn't mind, others were a pain.

    One afternoon I was about to clock out when a call CE in and I heard my new paged. Being the only specialist on at that moment I fielded the call.

    One the phone was a customer I had sold a viewsonic monitor to earlier. She was slightly up there in age and it was her second time making any kind of hardware purchase. In the store I showed her the instructions and gave detailed walkthrough of how to install the monitor.

    She was calling to tell me that the monitor would not come on. I started with the usual steps, starting with the obvious and working up. My first question was "Is the computer on?"

    Turns out that wording was to become very important. We spent 20 minutes on this. I asked if the monitor was plugged into the computer, and etc. I asked if the old monitor worked, was THE COMPUTER (wording again) on a power strip...you get the picture.

    I finally concluded that the monitor was defective and instructed her to box up the monitor, software, and power cord and bring it back.

    I was speechless when she uttered two words...

    "Power cord?"

    Seems she assumed the monitor got power through the computer and remember I asked if THE COMPUTER had power etc.

    Lesson learned...for both of us.

    100% true story.

    That joke ran through my head immediately, and I think of her every time I hear it.
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    I reread this. You'll have to excuse the errors. Just how it is now.

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    it has often been said that speed kills, however scientific research shows that this statement is undeniably false and that what actually kills is the impact after the speed.

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    Joe was a steward for Fly High airlines. He watched as an older lady boarded the plane holding a dog in a cage. “Excuse me,” said Joe “dogs are not allowed on board, you have to check it in with the baggage.” The lady wasn’t happy, but Joe was an experienced steward and succeeded in convincing the lady without much of a scene. Upon arrival, Joe took a peek in the cage, and to his great surprise, saw that the dog was dead! Frantic that they may get sued, Joe quickly sent one of his underlings out to town to buy a dog that looked exactly the same. Just in the nick of time the underling arrived with the dog They quickly switched dogs and breathed a sigh of relief. “This isn’t my dog!” said the lady as soon as she saw it. “I’m sure it is” insisted Joe “I was very careful about where I put it.” “It’s not my dog” argued the lady, “you see, I was bringing my dog to my home town to have him buried, and this dog is alive!”


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    Larry was a photographer for the N.Y. Times, and was scheduled to meet a plane on the runway to take him on a job. “Hit it,” said Larry climbing into the first plane he saw on the runway. The pilot took off, and was soon in the air. “OK,” said Larry, “fly low over the trees over there, I want to take a few pictures.” “What do you mean?” asked the pilot. Larry looked at the pilot and answered a little annoyed, “I need to take some pictures for the N.Y. Times, so please…..” There was a long pause, before the pilot asked in a shaky voice, “you mean you’re not my pilot instructor?”



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    Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.



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    Max was caught red handed by a police officer in the very act of burglarizing a store. He was quickly brought to trial.
    “How do you plead? asked the judge.
    “Your honor,” answered Max, “before I plead guilty or not guilty I ask that the court kindly appoint a lawyer to defend me.”
    “Max you were caught in the actual commission of a crime. What could any lawyer possibly say in your defense?”
    That’s exactly my point, your honor,” said Max. “I’m curious also to hear what he could possibly say!”



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    You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.



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    The city miser was on his death bed, as his last request he asked to be alone with his lawyer, doctor, and priest. “I know I am going to die” he said ” and I would like to take my money with me, so I am going to give each of you $150,000 and I want you to each make sure the money gets in the coffin.” It was a few days after the funeral when the priest over flowing with guilt finally confided to the other two that he only put $100,000 back. “I’m glad you brought it up” said the doctor, “because I have also been feeling guilty, I only put $80,000 back.” “You people should be ashamed of yourselves” stormed the lawyer “stealing money like that, am I the only honest person here? Here look at this” he said pulling out his check book, “look I wrote out a check for the full $150,000!”



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    It was a Tuesday when the judge passed a verdict against a certain lawyers client. On Wednesday the lawyer rushed into the judges chambers. ” Your honor I just found out new information and I would like to file an appeal.” “What did you find out?”, asked the judge. After a few moments of silence the lawyer responded “well I found out my client has another $5000 dollars.



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    A fellow walked into a bank in New York City asking for a loan for $4000 dollars. “Well, before we lend you the money we are going to need some kind of security” the bank teller said. “No problem” the man responded here are the keys to my car “you’ll see it, it’s a black Porsche parked in the back of the parking lot.”
    A few weeks later the man returned to pay off his loan. While he was paying it up, along with the interest of $11 dollars, the manager came over, “sir, we are very happy to have you’re business, but if you don’t mind me asking, after you left we looked into you and found out that you are a millionaire, why would you need to borrow $4000 dollars?” “Well, the fellow responded it’s quite simple, where else can I park my car for three weeks in New York for $11 dollars?


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    Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference.At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.”How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks an accountant.”Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer. All of them board the train.The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, “Ticket, please.”The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.The accountants saw this and agreed it was a clever idea.So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money .When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip.To their astonishment, the engineers don’t buy a ticket at all.”How are you going to travel without a ticket?” says one perplexed accountant.”Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding.He knocks on the door and says, “Ticket, please.”


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