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and another Dear World, Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars end there because ... Stackers' Lounge forum

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    and another

    Dear World,

    Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars end there because
    some Spanish dirt bags invaded our country and we got a little busy, ok?
    Sincerely,

    The Mayans
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    What's the point of having a 500m depth watch when you're dead?

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    I'll read these when I get a little more time. Been working 6 days a week and will for a bit. Promotions are a double edged sword.

    I will check them out KTW.

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    and another


    Conversation overheard on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai ..

    Iranian Air Defence Site: 'Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.'

    Aircraft: 'This is a British aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.'

    Air Defence Site: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'

    Aircraft: 'This is a Royal Air Force GR4 Tornado fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!'

    Air Defence Site: ( .... Total silence)
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  5. #20
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    and another


    I got in an accident with a Smart Car today and it was completely wrecked.

    My bicycle is fine though.

  6. #21
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    The Mule Raffle

    An old country farmer with serious financial problems bought a mule from another old farmer for $100, who agreed to deliver the mule the
    next day.
    However, the next day he drove up and said, "Sorry, but I have some bad news." "The mule died."
    "Well, then, just give me my money back."
    "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
    "OK, then. Just unload the mule."
    "What ya gonna do with a dead mule?"
    "I'm going to raffle him off."
    "You can't raffle off a dead mule!"
    "Sure I can. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."
    A month later the two met up and the farmer who sold the mule asked, "Whatever happened with that dead mule?"
    "I raffled him off just like I said I would. I sold 500 tickets at $2 each and made a profit of $898."
    "Didn't anyone complain?"
    "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."

  7. #22
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    Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour.

    Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints by QANTAS pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics. (By the way
    Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.).

    P stands for the problem the pilots entered in the log. S stands for the corrective action taken by the mechanics.

    P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
    P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
    S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.
    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back order!!
    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.
    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.
    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what they're there for!
    P: IFF inoperative.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
    P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
    S: Suspect you're right.
    P: Number 3 engine missing. (note: this was for a piston-engineered airplane; the pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly).
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
    P: Radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed radar with words.
    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.
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  8. #23
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    ok im out for now, its you guys turn, if you have anything good, let us here it.

  9. #24
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    if ever you think that life is pointless because no one cares about you then just don't pay your bills for 2 months.


    that was another one I heard. please remember that most of my content is from the internet so I do not own any rights towards the content I share in this thread.

  10. #25
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    Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving...

  11. #26
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    is anyone even reading these ?

  12. #27
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    Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ? Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!

  13. #28
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    Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..

  14. #29
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    Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why? Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears. Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you? Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?
    Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden. Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles. Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.

    Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card." Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

    Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?" Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife." Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?" Millionaire: "A Billionaire"

    Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't be heard. Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara Falls?"

    As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!" "It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"

  15. #30
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    What's the definition of lawyer? The larval form of a politician.

    Funny Bumper Stickers.. Cover Me!, I'm Changing Lanes!

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