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I dun care who ya are, that there's funy...... Stackers' Lounge forum

  1. #16
    mbellew's Avatar
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    May 2007

    Re: jokes ?


    I dun care who ya are, that there's funy...

  2. #17
    mudshovel's Avatar
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    Feb 2007

    Re: jokes ?

    A young farm couple, Homer and Daisy, got married and just couldn't seem to get enough lovin'.

    In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they made love. When Homer came back from the fields, they made love. After supper, they made love.

    And again at bedtime, they made love.

    The problem was their nooner: it took Homer a half hour to travel home and another half hour to return to the fields and he just wasn't getting enough work done.

    Finally Homer asked the town doctor what to do.

    "Homer," said the doctor, "just take your rifle out to the fields with you and when you're in the mood, fire off a shot into the air. That will be Daisy's signal to come out to you. Then you won't lose any field time."

    They tried Doc's advice and it worked well for a while until one day when Homer came back to the doctor's office.

    "What's wrong?" asked the Doc. "Didn't my idea work?"

    "Oh, it worked good," said Homer. "Whenever I was in the mood, I fired off a shot like you said and Daisy'd come runnin'. We'd find a secluded place, make love, and then she'd go back home agin."

    "Good, Homer. So what's the problem?" asked the Doc.

    "I mighta trained her too good. I ain't seen her since huntin' season started!"

  3. #18
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    Re: jokes ?

    A duck walks into a store and asks the clerk if he's got any grapes..the man so NO now get outta here!!So the duck comes back the next day and says hey,got any grapes?
    The a man says NO again and tells the duck "if you come back again im gonna staple your feet to the floor"!!So the duck leaves and comes back the next day and ask the man "hey any staples"? the man says the duck says.."good got any grapes"?
    The crime is undetectable by the feds cause in the minds of our kids is where the track is...and music is potent and straight to the its much more addictive than crack is!!!

  4. #19
    twieder's Avatar
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    Jan 2007

    Re: jokes ?

    Three guys walk into a bar.

    The fourth one ducks.

  5. #20
    synik103's Avatar
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    Apr 2007

    Re: jokes ?

    A female police officer pulls over a guy in his truck for weaving. When she gets to the window it is clear he has been drinking. She asks him out of the truck and begins to read him his rights as she fits the cuffs to his wrists. "Sir anything you say will be held against you in a court of law..."

    The drunk looks over his shoulder at the cop and belches one word: "Boobs."

  6. #21
    kayos72's Avatar
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    Re: jokes ?

    A Biker's wish

    A biker was riding along a California highway when
    suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a
    booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have
    tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant
    you one wish."

    The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to
    Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."
    The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic.
    Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of
    undertaking. The supports required to reach the
    bottom of the Pacific, the concrete and steel it
    would take!

    It will nearly exhaust several natural resources.
    I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your
    desire for worldly things. Take a little more time
    and think of something that would honor and glorify

    The biker thought about it for a long time .
    Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could
    understand my wife. I want to know how she feels
    inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the
    silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when
    she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman
    truly happy.

    The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on
    that bridge ?
    Been a long while since last login. Sorry all, adjusting to a new life is great and hell at the same time!!

  7. #22
    kayos72's Avatar
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    Re: jokes ?

    ways to stay sane, or at least no one can tell

    1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

    2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

    3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

    4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".

    5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

    6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for smuggling diamonds".

    7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy".

    8. Don't use any punctuation

    9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

    10 Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat - with a serious face.

    11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

    12. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day at work.

    13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

    14. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

    15. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.

    16. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"

    17. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "run for your lives, they're loose!!"

    18. Tell your children over dinner "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
    Been a long while since last login. Sorry all, adjusting to a new life is great and hell at the same time!!

  8. #23
    kayos72's Avatar
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    Re: jokes ?

    A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a
    coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his
    bed side every single day. One day, he motioned for her
    to come nearer. She sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You
    know what? You have been with me all through the bad

    When I got fired, you were there to support me.

    When my business failed, you were there.

    When I got shot, you were by my side

    When we lost the house, you stayed right here.

    When my health started failing, you were still by my
    side...You know what?"

    "What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart
    began to fill with warmth.

    "I think you're bad luck, get away from me!"

  9. #24
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    Jun 2007

    Re: jokes ?

    ~via BB (
    If I didn't have bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.

    A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel at the front of his belt.

    Everyone is wondering about the steering wheel, but they're too polite/nervous to ask about it.

    Finally the bartender asks, "Why do have that steering wheel on your belt?"

    The pirate stands tall, presenting the wheel before him and proclaims, "Argh! It's driving me nuts!"

    Now for a racist two racist ones:

    Hop Sing say, "Man who stand on toilet bowl is high on pot."

    Hop Sing say, "Man who sticks dick in peanut butter is f*cking nuts."

    Regards, I'm not a racist,

  10. #25
    dtd509's Avatar
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    Dec 2006

    Re: jokes ?

    Four Blondes walk into a building....Damn you think one of them would have saw it!!

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