Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 25

There should be a joke thread so lets get the ball rolling !! This guy ... Stackers' Lounge forum

  1. #1
    gazar's Avatar
    gazar no está en línea Stack level 5
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    1,203

    jokes ?

    Advertisement



    There should be a joke thread so lets get the ball rolling !!

    This guy was dyslexic, insomniac and agnostic. He used to lie awake at night wondering if there really was a Dog.

    And of course there was the dyslexic devil worshipper - he sold his soul to Santa.
    Last edited by gazar; 06-08-2007 at 10:01 AM.

  2. #2
    StaceyRVC's Avatar
    StaceyRVC no está en línea Community pro
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    PIN/ID
    Ask Me!
    Posts
    9,321

    Re: jokes ?

    LOL that was cute!

  3. #3
    gazar's Avatar
    gazar no está en línea Stack level 5
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    1,203

    Re: jokes ?

    Two Priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation.

    They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.

    As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

    The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their "tourist" garb.

    They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a "drop dead gorgeous" topless blonde in a thong bikini came walking straight towards them.

    They couldn't help but stare.

    As the blonde passed them she smiled and said "Good Morning, Father.

    Good Morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually,then she passed on by.

    They were both stunned.

    How in the world did she know they were priests?

    So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits.

    These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them!

    Once again, in their new attire, settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine.

    After a while, the same gorgeous topless blonde, wearing a different colored thong, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them.

    Again she nodded at each of them, said "Good morning, Father.

    Good morning, Father," and started to walk away.

    One of the Priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, "Just a minute, young lady."

    "Yes, Father?"

    "We are Priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world do you know we are Priests, dressed as we are?"

    She replied, "Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen!

  4. #4
    gazar's Avatar
    gazar no está en línea Stack level 5
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    1,203

    Re: jokes ?

    Three brazilian soldiers !!

    Donald Rumsfeld briefed the President this morning. He told Bush that three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq. To everyone's amazement, all the colour drained from his face, and he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken and whimpering. Finally he composed himself and asked Rumsfeld, "just how many is a brazillion?"

  5. #5
    gazar's Avatar
    gazar no está en línea Stack level 5
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    1,203

    Re: jokes ?

    Whats round and dangerous ?

    A viscious circle !!
    Last edited by gazar; 06-08-2007 at 10:29 AM.

  6. #6
    gazar's Avatar
    gazar no está en línea Stack level 5
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    1,203

    Re: jokes ?

    I give up !!

  7. #7
    TanBucsFan's Avatar
    TanBucsFan no está en línea Stack level 7
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    PIN/ID
    Ask me!
    Posts
    3,033

    Re: jokes ?

    Quote Originally Posted by gazar
    Three brazilian soldiers !!

    Donald Rumsfeld briefed the President this morning. He told Bush that three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq. To everyone's amazement, all the colour drained from his face, and he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken and whimpering. Finally he composed himself and asked Rumsfeld, "just how many is a brazillion?"
    LMAO!!!

  8. #8
    ted's Avatar
    ted
    ted no está en línea Stack level 4
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    PIN/ID
    N/A
    Posts
    506

    Re: jokes ?

    ~via BB (wap.pinstack.com)~ wrong email address:
    A minneapolis couple decided to go to florida to thaw out during a particularly cold winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So the husband left minnesota and flew to florida on thursday, and his wife was flying down the following day. The husban checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to email his wife. However he accidently left out one letter in her email address and without realising his error, sent the email.
    Meanwhile, somewhere in houston,TX a widow had just returned home from her husbands funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting essages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the coputer which read:
    To:my loving wife
    Subject:I've arrived
    Datectober 16, 2004
    I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you're allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I have just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything is prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
    P.S. Sure is frieking hot down here!

  9. #9
    tecrishon's Avatar
    tecrishon no está en línea Device Expert
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    PIN/ID
    Retired
    Posts
    842

    Re: jokes ?

    ^^^----- HAHA!! now that is funny!


    A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

    "No," he says, "The seat is empty."

    "This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"

    He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1987."

    "Oh...I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

    The man shakes his head. "No they're all at the funeral."

  10. #10
    gazar's Avatar
    gazar no está en línea Stack level 5
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    1,203

    Re: jokes ?

    I had an accident in my car on the way home from work the other day - didn't look, and went straight into the side of another car. Anyway, I got out, as did the guy in the other car, and the first thing I noticed was that he was really short, like a dwarf. He looked at me, looked at his car, rubbed the wheel arch and finally spoke. "I'm not happy" he said.

    My reply, as quick as you like; "Which one are you then?"

  11. #11
    gazar's Avatar
    gazar no está en línea Stack level 5
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    1,203

    Re: jokes ?

    A selection of yearly appraisals

    1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached
    rock-bottom and has started to dig."

    2. "I would not allow this employee to breed.

    3. "This employee is really not so much of a
    has-been, but more of a definite won't be.

    4. "Works well when under constant supervision and
    cornered like a rat in a trap.

    5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is
    only to change feet.

    6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

    7. "He sets low personal standards and then
    consistently fails to achieve them.

    8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere
    of an idiot.

    9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he
    starts the better.

    10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy
    to hold it all together.

    11. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an
    ordinary ignoramus.

    12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier.

    13. "He's been working with glue too much.

    14. "He would argue with a signpost.

    15. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the
    room.

    16. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.

    17. "If you see two people talking and one looks
    bored, he's the other one.

    18. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover
    glued on.

    19. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection.

    20. "Donated his brain to science before he was done
    using it.

    21. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but
    the train isn't coming.

    22. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the
    other is out looking for it.

    23. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be
    watered twice a week.

    24. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd
    get change.

    25. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear
    the ocean.

    26. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000
    other sperm.

    27. "One neuron short of a synapse.

    28. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he
    only gargled.

    29. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'.

    30. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."

  12. #12
    gazar's Avatar
    gazar no está en línea Stack level 5
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    1,203

    Re: jokes ?

    The Dalai Lama was visiting the White House and told the president that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness.

    Then, after talking to Bush for a few minutes he said "You know what? Lets just grab lunch".

  13. #13
    bwell2u's Avatar
    bwell2u no está en línea Stack level 3
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    111

    Re: jokes ?

    My friend in the Navy has too much free time on her hands and sent me this joke recently.

    On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their
    teacher.

    The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.

    The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.

    Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box.
    The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit.
    She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
    "Is it wine?" she guessed.

    "No," the boy replied.
    She tasted another drop and asked, "Champagne?.
    "No," said the little boy. "It's a puppy!"

  14. #14
    bwell2u's Avatar
    bwell2u no está en línea Stack level 3
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    111

    Re: jokes ?

    Okay one more

    Never Choke In A Restaurant In The South

    Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot
    of whiskey, they talk about their moonshine operation.
    Suddenly, a woman eating a sandwich at a nearby
    table, begins to cough.
    After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she
    is in real distress.
    One of the hillbillies looks at her and says "Kin ya
    swallar?" The woman shakes her head no.
    "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue
    and shakes her head no.
    The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the
    back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly
    gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue . The
    woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm
    and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
    As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks
    slowly back to the bar. His partner says "Ya know, I'd
    heerd of that there Hind Lick Maneuver,' but I ain't
    never seed nobody do it!"

  15. #15
    gazar's Avatar
    gazar no está en línea Stack level 5
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    1,203

    Re: jokes ?

    If this is unacceptable I am sure the mods will delete it !!

    A young couple were making passionate love in the guy's van (you know, shag carpets, big double mattress in the back ...all that) when suddenly the girl, being a bit on the kinky side, yells out "Oh big boy, whip me, whip me!" The guy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the aerial off his van and proceeds to whip the girl until they both collapse in sadomasochistic ecstasy.

    About a week later, the girl notices that the marks left by the whipping session are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor. The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks, "Did you get these marks having sex in a vehicle?"

    The girl is a little embarrassed but admits that, yes, she did. Nodding his head knowingly the doctor exclaims,

    "I thought so, because in all my years of doctoring..... You've got the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen."

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •