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Deciding whether to have children? I don't often cut and paste "funny" emails but I ... Stackers' Lounge forum

  1. #1
    martineargent's Avatar
    martineargent no está en línea Stack level 1
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    Sep 2009

    Funny Article : read it once.....


    Deciding whether to have children?

    I don't often cut and paste "funny" emails but I liked this one;


    Test 1

    Women to prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and
    stick a beanbag down the front. Leave it there for 9 months.
    After 9 months remove 5% of the beans.

    Men to prepare for paternity, go to a local chemist, tip
    the contents of your wallet onto the counter and tell the
    pharmacist to help himself. Then go to the supermarket.
    Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head
    office. Go home. Pick up the newspaper and read it for the
    last time.

    Test 2

    Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about
    their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly
    low tolerance levels and how they have allowed their
    children to run wild. Suggest ways in which they might
    improve their child's sleeping habits,toilet training, table
    manners and overall behavior. Enjoy it. It will be the last
    time in your life that you will ha ve all the answers.

    Test 3

    To discover how the nights will feel

    1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a
    wet bag weighing approximately 4 - 6kg, with a radio turned
    to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.

    2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and
    go to sleep.

    3. Get up at 12pm and walk the bag around the living room
    until 1am.

    4.Set the alarm for 3am.

    5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a
    cup of tea.

    6.Go to bed at 2.45am.

    7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off.

    8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am.

    9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off.

    10. Make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years.


    Test 4

    Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems

    1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag.

    2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no
    arms hang o ut.

    3. Time allowed for this 5 minutes.

    Test 5

    Forget the BMW and buy a practical 5 door wagon. And don't
    think that you can leave it out on the driveway spotless and
    shining. Family cars don't look like that.

    1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove

    2. Leave it there.

    3. Get a coin. Insert it into the cd player.

    4. Take a box of chocolate biscuits; mash them into the back

    5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

    Test 6

    Get ready to go out

    1. Wait

    2. Go out the front door

    3. Come back in again

    4. Go out

    5. Come back in again

    6. Go out again

    7. Walk down the front path

    8. Walk back up it

    9. Walk down it again

    10. Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.

    11. Stop, inspect minutely and ask at least 6 questions
    about every piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead
    insect al ong the way.

    12. Retrace your steps

    13. Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until
    the neighbours come out and stare at you.

    14. Give up and go back into the house.

    15. You are now just about ready to try taking a small child
    for a walk.

    Test 7

    Repeat everything you say at least 5 times.

    Test 8

    Go to the local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing
    you can find, to a pre-school child. A full-grown goat is
    excellent. If you intend to have more than one child, take
    more than one goat. Buy your weeks groceries without letting
    the goat(s) out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat
    eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do
    not even contemplate having children.

    Test 9

    1. Hollow out a melon

    2. Make a small hole in the side

    3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it side to

    4. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to spoon
    them into the swaying melon while pretending to be an

    5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.

    6. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it
    falls on the floor.

    7. You are now ready to feed a 12-month old child.

    Test 10

    Learn the names of every character from the Wiggles, Thomas
    the Tank Engine and Disney. Watch nothing else on television
    for at least 5 years.

    Test 11

    Can you stand the mess children make? To find out

    1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the

    2. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all

    3. Stick your fingers in the flower beds and then rub them
    on clean walls.

    4. Cover the stains with crayon.

    5. How does that look?

    Test 12

    Make a recording of someone shouting 'Mummy' repeatedly.

    Important no more than a 4 second delay between each Mummy
    - occasional cresce ndo to the level of a supersonic jet if

    Play this tape in your car, everywhere you go for the next 4

    You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

    Test 13

    Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else
    continually tug on your shirt hem or shirt sleeve while
    playing the Mummy tape listed above.

    You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while
    there's a child in the room.

    Test 14

    Put on your finest work attire. Pick a day on which you have
    an important meeting. Now

    1. Take a cup of cream and add 1 cup of lemon juice

    2. Stir

    3. Dump half of it on your shirt

    4. Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture

    5. Attempt to clean your shirt with the same saturated towel

    6. Do not change, you have no time.

    7. Go directly to work

    You are now ready to have children

    Last edited by martineargent; 09-24-2009 at 08:21 AM.

  2. #2
    BestWitted's Avatar
    BestWitted no está en línea Stack level 7
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    LoL.....Soooooo Funny Copied it to send to Non-Pinstackers (yes.....there are really people who don't stack) thanks for the post.
    "We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give."
    Enjoying life in Lehi, UT with my BB 9780 on ATT

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