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Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had the retarded baby? Named him Sum-Ting ... IT & Business Pros forum

  1. #16
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    Re: Post funny jokes/reads here

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    Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had the retarded baby?

    Named him Sum-Ting Wong

    *Don't take offense, please*

  2. #17
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    Re: Jokes

    Yo Mama so po, I once threw a stone at a garbage can, and out she popped saying - "Who knocked???"


    Yo mama so po, when she asked me over to dinner I took a paper plate from the kitchen and she growled - "Don't use the good china"

    Yo Father so poor that when I aks him what for dinner, he take off his shoelaces and says - Spaghetti!


    Yo' Mommy so poor I went over for dinner, saw 3 beans on the table...took one and she said - "Don't be greedy!"

    Yo Uncle so poor I went into his house, swatted a pesky firefly and he screamed - "Who turned out the lights?"


    Yo mama's like a pirate, there she blows

    Yo mama is so fat she has three shirt sizes, jumbo, humongus, and "OH
    MY GOD IT'S COMING TOWARDS US!!"

    Yo mama's so damn stupid on a job application it said "sex" and she wrote Monday wednesday and sometimes friday.


    Yo mama so0o0o fat, one day she walked out with a yellow rain jacket on and the children began yelling, "Hey, the School Bus is here!

    Yo mama so stupid "when you were born, she looked at your umbilical cord and said, "Wow, it comes with cable too!"

    Yo Grannie so dumb she go to the 24-hr convenience store and asks what time do they close...

    What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? -
    Well, it's the same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving!

    After a lengthy quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
    The husband replied: "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

  3. #18
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    Re: Post funny jokes/reads here

    Thanks! Gina!!

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    Thumbs up Re: Jokes

    A man and a woman sitting on a train.
    The woman is sitting knitting away. The man is peeling prawns and eating them. He just throws the shells on the floor.
    The woman says "You're annoying me by doing that. Do you mind?"
    The man replies "I've paid for my ticket, I'll do as I please."
    Several moments pass.
    Again, she says "Look you're really pi**ing me off now. Please don't throw your shells on the floor".
    The man replies "I've paid for my ticket, I'll do what I want."
    After a while the man finishes eating his prawns.
    The womans knitting needles are making a clicking noise.
    The man asks "That noise is really annoying. Please give it a rest".
    The woman, unsurprisingly responds by saying "I've paid for my ticket, I'll do what I want."
    Several moments pass.
    The man again complains about the noise as he is trying to sleep now.
    She responds "I've paid for my ticket, I'll do as I want".
    Eventually she stops.
    The man falls asleep.
    She wakes him and tells him that his snoring was disturbing her and the other passengers.
    "You stupid woman!" he says. "What the f**k. I was sleeping and you woke me up! I've paid for my ticket, I'll do what I want, alright?"
    The woman pulls the stop cord.
    The man starts laughing. "You're in for it now. The stop cord is only for an emergency. You're so gonna get it! Do you know its a really big fine for pulling that cord unneccesarily?"
    The woman responds "And when I tell them to smell your fingers, you'll be locked up for life!!"
    ******************

    I'm no comedian so forgive the lack lustre dialogue.

  5. #20
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    Re: Jokes

    A cowboy in Texas got pulled over by a State Trooper for speeding. The trooper started to lecture the cowboy about his speeding, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the cowboy feel uncomfortable.

    Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket.

    As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The cowboy said, "Having some problem with Circle flies there, areya?"

    The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they are. I never heard of Circle flies.

    "So the cowboy says, "Well, Circle flies are common on ranches. See, they're called Circle flies because they're almost always found Circling around the back end of a horse.

    "The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute, he stops and says, "Are you trying to call me a horse's ***?"

    The cowboy says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's ***."

    The trooper says, "Well that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket.

    After a long pause, the cowboy says, "Hard to fool them flies though."
    vipz o';'o

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    Re: Jokes

    Immortality
    I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and
    exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. A
    little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do
    you think I'll live to be 80?"

    He asked, "Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer/wine?"

    "Oh no," I replied. "I've never done either."

    Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"

    I said "No, I've heard that all red meat is very unhealthy!"

    "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing,
    ballooning, or rock climbing ?"

    "No, I don't," I said.

    He said, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or sexually fool around?"

    "No," I said. "I've never done any of those things."

    He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a **** if you live to be
    80?"

  7. #22
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    Re: Jokes

    Who is God?
    A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"
    "Both son. God is both."

    After a while the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"

    "Both son, both."

    The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"

  8. #23
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    Re: Jokes

    Rooster Replacement

    A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster.

    Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car in a cloud of feathers. Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse and rang the doorbell. A farmer appeared.

    The man somewhat nervously said, "I think I killed your rooster, please allow me to replace him."

    "Suit yourself," the farmer replied, "the hens are round the back."

  9. #24
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    Re: Jokes

    Great Jokes butterfly ... lol
    Gina-Lisa James,
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    Re: Jokes

    Thanks Gina!

    What did the elephant say to the naked man?
    How do you breathe through that thing?


    How can you get four suits for a dollar?
    Buy a deck of cards

    What do you call a pig that does karate?
    A pork chop.

    How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?
    They had reservations.

    Two missionaries in Africa get apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under it, and leave them there. A few minutes later, one of the missionaries starts to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary can't believe it! He says, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?"

    The other missionary says, "I just peed in the soup."

  11. #26
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    Re: Jokes

    In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and
    >>productivity
    >>from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well
    >>trained
    >>through our program of Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T).
    >>We are
    >>trying to give employees more S.H.I.T than anyone else.
    >>
    >>If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the
    >>job,
    >>please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top
    >>of
    >>the S.H.I.T list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing
    >>that
    >>you get all the S.H.I.T you can handle.
    >>
    >>Employees who do not take their S.H.I.T will be placed in
    >>Departmental
    >>Employee Evaluation Programs (D.E.E.P S.H.I.T) Those who fail to

    >>take
    >>D.E.E.P S.H.I.T seriously will have to go to Employee Attitude
    >>Training
    >>(E.A.T S.H.I.T).
    >>
    >>Since our managers took S.H.I.T before they were promoted, they do
    >>not
    >>have to do S.H.I.T anymore, as they are all full of S.H.I.T
    >>already.
    >>
    >>If you are full of S.H.I.T, you may be interested in a job training
    >>others. We can add your name to our Basic Understanding Lecture
    >>List
    >>(B.U.L.L S.H.I.T) Those who are full of B.U.L.L S.H.I.T will get
    >>the
    >>S.H.I.T jobs, and can apply for promotion to Director of Intensity
    >>Programming (D.I.P S.H.I.T).
    >>
    >>If you have further questions, please direct them to our Head Of
    >>Training, Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T
    S.H.I.T).
    >>
    >>Thank you,
    >>
    >>Boss in General
    >>(B.I.G S.H.I.T)
    Gina-Lisa James,
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    Re: Jokes

    Jamaican Flight

    You know you are on a flight to Jamaica When ...

    - You get to the airport before the Air Jamaica counter staff

    - Everybody is checking in suitcases the size of a refrigerator

    - The person beside you taps you on your shoulder and says "Yuh only have one piece? Beg yu check een dis ya piece ah luggage fah mi nuh. DO!"

    - Everybody makes a bolt for the gate when the announcer on the p.a. system starts to say "this is NOT a boarding announcement."

    - You can't get on board because somebody in front of you is trying to get a motor vehicle engine block into the overhead compartment.

    The passenger next to you slowly leans away from you while raising one leg and mutters "Yes bwoy, DAT is gas!"

    - Somebody hands a flight attendant a paper bag and asks her to "heat up dis ya patty fi mi nuh baby"

    - The plane starts to descend, and a woman in the seat behind you says to her friend ... "Come Darris, time fi go tile-it an' tidy!"

    - The overhead compartment smells like fish, jerk chicken and rum ... then something from up there starts to drip on you.

    - Most of the passengers clap when the plane lands

    - While the plane is still moving and taxi-ing to the terminal, people are unbuckling their seat belts, grabbing their hand luggage and heading towards the plane door

    - Everybody who have a big screen TV, a boom-box and a microwave go straight to the "Nothing to Declare" line in Customs

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    Re: Jokes

    Click on the link to Check out a nice house in Jamaica with all the trimmings....I sure would like one LOL....humour people

    http://www.jamaicanjokes.com/viewJok...Id=119&catid=8



    Another Joke
    The Crotchless Panties

    This Jamaican woman felt that her love life was slipping because her husband had no more interest in sex. While shopping one day, she passed an adult shop and saw some crotchless panties, so she decided to buy one and try to use it to excite and seduce him.

    That evening she took a long bath, put on a favorite perfume, and then she put on a sexy negligee and her new crotchless panties. Then she slithered into the room where her husband was watching TV as usual.

    She stands right in front of him, with one foot resting high on the ottoman, negligee wide open, and whispers "yu wah some a dis?".

    Her husband looks up at her wide-eyed and says. "No sah, yu mad, yuh nuh see wha it do to yu panty!"

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    Re: Jokes

    Fly Air Jamaica

    mother and her son were flying Air Jamaica from Montego Bay to Miami. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

    The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

    The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy said, "Yes she did".

    Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Air Jamaica always pulls out on time. Have your mother explain that to you."

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    Re: Jokes

    A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. At the end of his first day on the job his boss fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?"
    "One," said the young salesman.
    "Only one," blurted the boss, "Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?"
    "100,000 dollars," said the young man.
    "How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.
    "Well," said the salesman "this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser."
    The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?" "No," answered the salesman "He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, 'Your weekend's shot, you may as well go fishing.'"

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