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just received these jokes today and found it hilarious ..... Feel free to share your ... IT & Business Pros forum

  1. #1
    Gina's Avatar
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    Jokes

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    just received these jokes today and found it hilarious ..... Feel free to share your jokes here as well I love a good joke.

    Two Trinis go hiking and pack a cooler with sandwiches and beer.
    After three days of walking, they arrive at a great spot but
    realize they've forgotten a bottle opener.
    The first Trini turns to the second and says, "You hafta go back
    and get de opener or else we ain't go get any Carib."
    No way," says the second. "By the time I get back, you go eat all
    de food."
    "I promise I won't," says the Trini.? Just hurry nah man!"
    Nine full days pass and there's still no sign of the second
    Trini Exasperated and starving, the first Trini digs into the
    sandwiches...Suddenly, the second Trini pops out from behind a rock and
    yells, "I knew it! I not f**king going!!!!"


    HERE IS THE OTHER ONE



    A woman was walking down the street when she was approached by a man.

    The man said, " I must have you right now! I'll drop 500 dollars on the ground at your feet and in the time it takes for you to pick it up I can have my way with you from behind!" The woman thought it over and told the man to wait a minute. She called her girlfriend on her cell phone and told her about the man's proposition. Her girlfriend said "

    When he drops the $500 on the ground I'm sure you can pick it up and run before he gets his pants down. Call me back and tell me what happened."

    An hour and a half later the lady called her girlfriend back. "What happened?" the girlfriend asked. The lady said " That Punk had $500 in quarters!"
    Gina-Lisa James,
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  2. #2
    dasupaman23's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes

    Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
    "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".
    "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
    "That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda."
    There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
    "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
    "I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry.
    Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
    "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
    "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
    "Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."

  3. #3
    vyperz's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes

    ROTFLMAO!~ That was funny Gina!~
    vipz o';'o

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  4. #4
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    Re: Jokes

    That's funny too dasupaman23!~
    vipz o';'o

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  5. #5
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    Re: Jokes

    A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft’s electronic navigation and communications equipment.

    Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter’s position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said “Where am I?” in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said “You are in a Helicopter.”

    The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.

    “I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer.”
    PIN: 240F09FB - Feel free to msg anytime.

  6. #6
    Gina's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes

    Great jokes guys here is another one that i got today .... funny

    Why parents drink!!!!
    >>?A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not
    >>phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the
    >>main computers,
    >>he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a
    >>child's whisper.
    >>?"Hello."
    >>? "Is your daddy home?" he asked. ?"Yes," whispered the small
    >>voice.
    >>? May I talk with him?" The child whispered, "No."
    >>?Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is
    >>your Mommy there?"
    >>? "Yes."
    >>? "May I talk with her?"
    >>?Again the small voice whispered, "No."
    >>? Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the
    >>boss
    asked, "Is anybody else there?"
    >>? "Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman"
    >>? Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the
    >>boss
    >>asked,
    >>? "May I speak with the policeman?"
    >>? "No, he's busy", whispered the child.
    >>? "Busy doing
    >>what?"
    >>? "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered
    >>answer.
    >>? Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter
    >>??through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that
    >>noise?"
    >>? "A helicopter" answered the whispering voice.
    >>??"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly
    >>apprehensive.
    >>? Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just
    >>anded the helicopter."
    >>? Alarmed,
    concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What
    >>are they searching for?"
    >>? Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle:
    >>? "ME."
    Gina-Lisa James,
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  7. #7
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    Re: Jokes

    hahaha! :laugh:
    Last edited by hayden; 03-02-2006 at 07:13 PM.

  8. #8
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    Re: Jokes

    Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing service on TV.

    The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed to go to their TV set, place one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed.

    Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the TV, placed her right hand on the set and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her to have great pain.

    Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed his right hand ont he set and his left hand on his crotch.

    Grandma scowled at him and said, "I guess you just don't get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not to raise the dead."
    Gina-Lisa James,
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  9. #9
    hayden's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes

    lol go granpa

  10. #10
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    Re: Jokes

    A Jamaican fireman came home from work, one day and said to
    >>his wife, "Y'know sumptin womon, we have a wonderful new system at
    >>de fire station."
    >> Bell 1 rings - we put on our jackets.
    >> Bell 2 rings we slide down de pole.
    >> Bell 3 rings -we jump on de ingine and we's ready to go.
    >>
    >> "From now on womon, when I say, 'Bell one' I want you to strip
    >>naked.
    >> When I say, 'Bell two' you jump on de bed.
    >> When I say, 'Bell three' we's gonna mek love all tru de
    >>night girl."
    >>
    >> The next night, he came home and shouted, "Bell One" and the wife
    >>stripped naked!
    >> "Bell Two"
    and she jumped on the bed!
    >> "Bell Three" and they started to make love!
    >>
    >>After a few minutes, the wife yelled out, "Bell Four!!!!"
    >>
    >> "WOMAN ... What de hell is 'Bell Four'?" he asked.
    >>
    >> She replied, "Roll out more hose, mon, you ain't nowhere
    >>near de fire!"
    Gina-Lisa James,
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  11. #11
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    Re: Jokes

    Chinese Names - Annie Wan (Anyone)

    Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?
    Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.
    Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
    Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
    Caller: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
    Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's the urgent matter about?
    Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan was involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
    Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
    Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
    Operator: I'm Saw Lee.
    Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

    vipz o';'o

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  12. #12
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    Post funny jokes/reads here

    This might keep this place interesting..come here if you have something funny, or want to read something funny..please participate. HERE GOES 1st one!

    Important Things To Learn


    You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

    No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

    When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.

    If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

    Never ask your 3 year old brother to hold a tomato.

    You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

    Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

    Never hold a Dust Buster and a cat at the same time.

    You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

    Don't wear polka dot underwear under white shorts.

    The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.

    No matter how much I care, some people are just *******s.

    It takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

    You can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big weenie or huge boobs.

    You shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.

    You can keep puking long after you think you're finished.

    We are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

    Regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.

    No matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.

    The people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

    Never, under ANY circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

    If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved (and never will achieve) its full potential, that word would be "meetings".

    There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

    People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

    And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, HE WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV in a bad suit, with a bad hairstyle.

    You should not confuse your career / job with your life.

    No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

    When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

    Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

    Never lick a steak knife.

    Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

    The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

    You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

    The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

    The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

    A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

    Your family and true friends love you, no matter what.


  13. #13
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    Re: Post funny jokes/reads here

    The roots of women problems; Did you ever notice how all our problems begins with men?
    Mental Anxiety
    Mental Breakdown
    Menopause
    Menstrual Cramps

  14. #14
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    Re: Post funny jokes/reads here

    Age to women is like Kryptonite to Superman

    When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

    When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.

    As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...

    Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?


    My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.

    Yo mama so poor I visited her trailer, 2 cockroaches tripped me and a rat tried to steal my wallet.

    Yo mamma so poor I saw her kicking a can down the road I asked her what she was doing......and she replied I'm moving.

    Yo mamma so poor I visited her house, and tore down the cobwebs and she screamed- "who's tearing down the drapes!!!!"

    Yo mamma so poor when I saw her wobbling down the street with 1 shoe, I hollered-"Lost a shoe?", and she said-"Nope...just found one..."

  15. #15
    Gina's Avatar
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    Re: Post funny jokes/reads here

    Great Jokes butterfly and Thea
    Gina-Lisa James,
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