what tour OS are you running?
when my tour came the profiles were a joke...
no matter what changes I made they would be made universal. my hope in setting something like what your talking about up were almost non existent.
when I upgraded my OS I was able to make individual changes to individual profiles and it worked!
if your profiles work properly for you you should be able to set our default profile to phone only or to alerts off (or whatever you want it to be set to, vibrate maybe?) then at the very bottom of the profiles box you can select "set contact alerts"
set whatever you want there for your contacts.
hope some of that helps